Grieving With Hope
“But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.” (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14). Note that this verse does not tell us not to grieve but rather speaks to how we should grieve.
We were recently shocked by the plane crash over the Potomac River, and for some of us, that is only one of several triggers for grief. In the Peanuts cartoons, Charlie Brown often exclaimed “Good Grief!” That implies that grief, though painful, can be good. Today I’d like for us to think about how grief can be an opportunity for us to grow into the image of Christ.
In their book “The Life Recovery Workbook for Grief,” Stephen Arterburn and David Stoop include many insights that resonate with me, and I hope will bring comfort to you. I’ll highlight here and comment on just four of those insights.
1. “Complete grief involves the experience of both anger as a protest, and sadness as a sense of resignation. Acceptance of the loss is the final stage of grieving.” This says to me that grieving is a process that will take time. (I’m reminded of the Peanuts cartoon where Charlie Brown says,“Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask: ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then I hear a voice say, ‘This is going to take more than one night!’”). It also says that it’s OK to express our emotions to God. He is big enough to handle our anger. (But sometimes the people around us are not!)
2. “We sometimes think that being powerless is like being a victim. It doesn’t make us a victim: It really just gets us out of the way for God to work. One of the major tasks in our grieving is to come to terms with our powerlessness, for we are truly powerless when we are dealing with our losses. But remember, we are not helpless.” How does that help come? Through God’s Word and through God’s people. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” I am grateful for the comfort that you, my GraceWay family, provided to me when my wife Elaine died, and that you continue to provide.
3. “God is willing, at any moment, to join with us in our grief and in our painful emotions…. Godgrieves with us. Through His own experience of suffering, He understands our need to grieve.” That’s amazing – the omnipotent creator of the universe loves us enough to suffer for us and with us!
4. “We’re going to look at two kinds of inventory. One inventory will be a searching and fearless inventory that we need to take of ourselves in order to examine who we are. This is of immense value in getting to know ourselves. We also suggest that you do an inventory of the ‘new normal you’ that is growing with the loss of your loved one or with the loss of something else significant, like a job. The ‘new normal you’inventory will be an attempt to define what your life is going to be like in the future.” I’m currently going through this inventory process. It is best done in community, encouraging each other and helping each other see our areas of strength, our blind spots, and our opportunities for growth. I am grateful for you, my GraceWay community, and the support you provide.
In this brief article, we have just scratched the surface of the profound gift of grief that God has given us. If you would like to go deeper, the above book would be a good starting point. Another resource I have found helpful is the Grief Share ministry, which provides groups around the country, even around the world, where people can share their experience and find comfort in God’s Word and God’s people. The URL is www.griefshare.org.